So it has been about three weeks of meditation and training and I thought I would give an update. I am amazed at how far I have managed to come. Away from judgement, away from hamsters in the brain, away from “am I doing this right?”. I am learning, albeit slowly, that there is no incorrect way of meditating. I was really concerned I was not getting it. I was having all these thoughts in my head about how I was listening, feeling drowsy, desperately trying not to scratch my nose or check the time, trying to ignore the meow of the cat or the chirp of the birds. I am told that I am to acknowledge the thought and just let it be. That took a while to be OK with.
Now I find that 20 minutes seems to pass in no time, and that I am more relaxed yet focused at the same time. There are feelings of body tingles near the end that are energizing and pleasant. My body, while initially feels to be uncomfortable, eventually moves into a space of just being. I listen to the words being spoken during the meditation and seem to become entranced by them. There are moments when I feel I have just lost a bit of time – and when I pick up the thread of the speech think that I missed a few minutes. It is an interesting feeling.
Am I more relaxed or more focused or less stressed. I am not sure about that yet. Certainly there are moments of joy that seem to pop up more and more often – but I am not sure if that is a side effect of meditation or the circumstances of my life at the moment. Then again, does it truly matter where those pops come from as long as they are abundant? All in all it is worth an ongoing exploration. After all, for me this is a road not travelled.