Driving with Sharon

Sharon and I were driving home from the hospital and grocery shopping. I was extremely keen to get home due to a rather pressing desire to go to the toilet. We were coming up to a black Mercedes E200 on a small road that leads to Julie’s condo. I started to overtake the Mercedes hastening our transit time. The following is a verbatim conversation between Sharon and I as we overtook the Mercedes.

Sharon said “Don’t you think it’s somebody important driving a black Mercedes like I don’t know the Chief of Police?”

I replied “It’s only a little Benz. If he’s the Chief of Police he would be driving a big Benz and I really need to go to the washroom”

Sharon said “You just went to the washroom at the mall!”I fired back between gritted sphincter muscles “I need to go again, I already mentioned this 4 times”

Sharon retorted helpfully, “Well if you need to go that badly why don’t you just pull over to the side of the road and go in the bushes”I responded, considering this might be a great idea, “Do you have any toilet paper?”

A little aside is required at this point. Ms. Prissy Pants Sharon would never ever consider pissing or doing anything worse in the bushes so I was really starting to wonder what was going on.

Sharon smiled, starting to laugh, “No, you can do what the local dogs do”I was a little annoyed at her response because 25% of my total weight allowance has been taken up with Wet Naps so that Ms. Prissy Pants can ensure she’s never without the necessities. Feeling that the answer couldn’t be good, I asked “And what do the local dogs do?”

Sharon managed to get out between bouts of laugher “Drag their asses over the ground. Of course the locals might wonder what the Farang is doing dragging his ass on the ground”How can one respond to this? I pressed the accelerator a little more firmly.

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