For the last few days, I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather with clogged sinuses and a pain in the left side of my head (no Sharon is the pain in my ass). I tried self-medicating with Sinutab and even went to a pharmacy who basically gave me the same thing but in 2 different pills for $3. I also checked my stash of travel remedies because we did bring along some antibiotics. When I read the package, I discovered that I was covered for lower GI problems, a variety of venereal diseases and a few conditions that I didn’t understand and got the feeling that I really didn’t want to know what they were either.
I decided to stick it out another day and spent a hot and sweaty night with fever chills, lots of snot and phlegm. When I woke up in the morning, I decided it was time for action. A friend of ours, Brian, had related to us an experience that he had with Thai medicine in Bangkok. For $20, he got incredible service, spoke to English speaking doctors and walked away with a handful of drugs packaged in a gift bag. I figure this would be an excellent opportunity to try out Thai medicine in Phuket. I imagined that the experience would be similar to Brian’s though perhaps the gift wrapping wouldn’t be as nice.
I decided that the Phuket
The hospital was under construction and I wondered if I would get a construction discount. We started to walk in and were soon met on the way in by an English speaking gentleman who ushered us to the door where we handed off to at least 6 nurses standing at the door. One of the nurses, being the more aggressive of the bunch, gestured like a Price-Is-Right girl to a seat and I sat down with Sharon next to me. She asked to see my passport which I didn’t bring because Sharon said we didn’t need (Sharon was wrong, yes wrong, wrong, wrong not that I’m bitter about her being right so many times a few days before) them so I pulled out my soon to expire Canadian drivers license. It was whisked off by an underling so they could make a photocopy of it. I was quite clear on the reason though.
A clipboard and form were thrust into my hands. Since I have serial killer handwriting at the best of time, Sharon and I have an understanding. She does the writing in these critical situations as it saves lots of time and I gaze off into the distance in a typical stupid male half-stupor. (Sharon: This is obviously not a stretch for him).
We were then escorted to the waiting area where there were a lot of other people waiting including a good number of foreign men and their Thai “dates” (
She shyly came back a few minutes later and pointed at another desk where a more matronly looking nurse sat. I sat down and she asked me to describe my symptoms. I said that I was having hot and cold sweats, sinus congestion, lots of phlegm and I was coughing up a bit of mucus as well. I didn’t see a light of recognition in her eyes while I was talking and there was very little note taking going on. Another nurse attached an automated blood pressure cuff and activated it while I was talking.
Sharon: The cool thing is that everyone has their uniform according to their “expertise”. The senior nurse had a very smart white uniform with the little nurse hat (very Nurse Ratchet). Her assistant trainee nurse was in baby blue and did all the “menial” labour like putting the blood pressure cuff on the hairy foreigner.
The senior nurse asked if I had any chronic conditions and I said that I had Ulcerative Proctitis (a mild form of Colitis). Definitely no flicker of understanding. She tried to work her Thai speaking mouth around my pronunciation a few times thinking if she said it in Thai-English (think high and squeaking and actually quite annoying) it might make sense. That strategy didn’t work and she proffered a pen and a piece of paper and asked me to write it out. In serial-killer scrawl, I wrote perfectly legible Ulcerative Proctitis and gave it back to her. The poor nurse looked at the chicken scrawl and more dismay crossed her face. I repeated several times that it was a form of Colitis and finally a series of synapses fired in the correct order and her eyes gleamed fiercely with understanding. I also rattled off that I had GERD and a few other items. I noticed that none of this was written down.
She asked if I had any allergies. I said that I was allergic to tetracycline. She asked how bad was the allergy. I said that it made me nauseous and I generally couldn’t keep it down. She tartly informed that that was a side-effect and not an allergy. That was also not written down. I was going to tell her I was allergic to an anesthetic that I had when I had a colonoscopy but since I didn’t know the name and the chance of them sticking a tube up my ass was zero to examine a sinus problem, I figured it was safe to let that go.
She started to dismiss me but then realized I was complaining of a fever and pushed a thermometer into my mouth and told me to keep it under my tongue. I sat there for the obligatory 90 seconds waiting for the thermometer to do its business. She pulled out and muttered that I had no fever and it must have been last night. At this point, a bead of sweat from the non-existing chills rolled off my noise and dripped onto the desk. (Sharon: Like I said, Nurse Ratchet. She was definitely scaring him). She said that I needed to see a doctor (damn straight) and I should go back to the waiting room.
We were moved to a different waiting area next to examination room 12 and I continued to read my ebook. I think about 15 minutes went by and then a nurse came round and started asking something that sounded vaguely like a Thai person saying my last name as said by a person with an English accent. Just to be sure, I pulled out the id card they had given me and showed it to her. She nodded and did the Price-as-Right usher into the doctor’s office.
A Thai doctor with an extremely long first and last name shook my hand and asked me what the problem was. I recounted my symptoms again. He asked what chronic conditions I had. I relayed those again. We had a small stumbling block with ulcerative proctitis but he picked it up on the 2nd try, much to his credit. He asked about medications and I rattled off the list of medications that I was taking plus the ones that I had tried to combat the problem. He nodded sagely and asked where it hurt. I pointed to the left side of my face and said that I also felt pressure in my sinuses on the left side. He asked about coughing and I said that I was occasionally coughing up phlegm.He pulled out the stethoscope and started listening to my chest. He must have checked about 20 different places on my chest.I was starting to wonder if somehow I was channeling Thai kickboxing scores, he was listening so intently. He finally stopped and said that my lungs sounded fine.
So far, so good. He then approached from around the desk and tapped two fingers savagely on my left upper sinus and asked if it hurt. It hurt like hell but I wasn’t sure if it was due to his Jackie Chan like grace in thrusting his fingers against my head or because of a blocked sinus. He repeated the same technique on the right side of my face and it hurt like hell as well and I kept saying Yes, Yes when he asked if I was in pain.
He then attacked my lower sinuses with the same amount of vigor and I was starting to think of revenge if this continued. I’ve often found that an “accidental” knee-jerk kick to the shins gets the point across in a subtle manner and the pain causing behaviour tends to subside rather rapidly. Just as I was getting ready to time the reaction with his next volley to the face, he stopped. Taking a cleansing breath, I willed my leg not to go ahead with its mission.
Apparently he was able to learn from the various examinations and face tapping that I had a pain in my left sinus and that it wasn’t in my chest. He said he would give me some drugs to take and I should wait outside, pay and then go pick up the drugs. I went outside and sat back with Sharon and explained what had happened.
We waiting for about another 10 minutes and then the Thai version of my name was called over the loud-speaker and I went to the cashier and was presented with a bill for 2100 THB (about $70). I was a little outraged at the price because Brian had only paid 600 THB. When I checked the bill, the medication was more than half of the price. Once I paid the bill, I went over to the medication counter and showed them my Paid-In-Full invoice.The pharmacist looked over several large looking baskets and pulled one aside and pulled out 5 different medications. Here’s what I got for $42:
| Drug | Breakfast | Lunch | Dinner |
| Pseudoephedine 60mg (decongestant) | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| Zertine 10mg (allergies) | 1 | 1 | |
| Naproxen 275mg (serious pain medication) | 1 | 1 | |
| Curam 1gm (antibiotic) | 1 | 1 | |
| Paracetamol 500mg | 2 | 2 | 2 |
I was expecting an antibiotic and not much else but apparently the indications of pain were enough that the Doctor felt that I needed serious pain medication hence the Naproxen. (Sharon: Men are such babies when it comes to pain. Puleeese!) I was a little bummed out that I didn’t get a pretty gift bag like Brian but, what the hell, what would I have gotten in
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