Sharon and Jacques’ Excellent Blog

This is really important.  Probably one of the most important things I will tell you based on our experience.  Heed well my friends, or suffer the perils!  Mwahaha!  (Evil laugh).  Even though we are travelling on a restricted budget, there are certain things that I have discovered which either makes me a travel princess, or are good tips for you to determine whether or not your accommodations are adequate.  Since I am no longer a 20 year old backpacker, I have been drawing the line at some of the suggestions often found in books like the Lonely Planet, which are geared to kids who don’t mind 5 am wake up calls by drunken companions in the swimming pool. Here are a few tips to look for: 

• When the soap (if there is any) is the size and wrapped like a breath mint, forget it.

• If the shower head does not stay on the holder for which it was designed, and requires you to be an expert in yoga to take a shower, skip it.

• If the bathtub requires a step stool to get into, nix.  I know this one sounds like the ultimate in luxury, but with the aforementioned anaemic shower head, you will never get enough water to fill the tub.  Plus, when you are vertically challenged like moi, you have some real fears of slipping.

• If there are critters the size of a small cat with antennae and crunch when you step on them, turn around.  I know that we are in a hot country, and critters are part of the action, but really, for an extra $5 I want my room critter free and I will pay for it damn it!  Besides, I will never get any sleep just thinking about these things having a party in my shower.

• If the towels are skanky (just not dry) give it a pass.

• When you close the door, you should not hear your neighbour.  Puleese, there are some things I am still too young to hear.

• Now a mini bar is not essential, but it sure helps. 

• Water is essential.  I have inadvertently rinsed my toothbrush in the tap water.  No parasites yet (still hoping to get one to lose a few pounds).  Bottled water is a must.

• Air conditioning must work.  Enough said.

• Quiet.  A balcony is romantic, but do you really need that extra reverberation of a balcony to hear the traffic noise?

• Go up to the top floor.  Makes sure the critters have other tasty people to get to first, and gets you away from the aforementioned traffic noise.  I know that there may not be an elevator, but the hike up 5 flights with you luggage is worth it.  Trust me.

• A toilet that flushes.  Again, enough said.

• A pool.  This part of the world is hot and sweaty.  The next best thing to a cold shower is drowning yourself in a cold pool. 

• A working TV with English channels.  Many of you may be shocked.  You may say, “but really, with all that culture and stuff, do you really need a TV to see Police
  Academy for the 7th time?”  Yes you do.  While I am enamoured with my beloved, there are times you just want to tune out the world and put your brain on veg.  You don’t want to talk to your travel partner, you don’t want to think about today’s wonder or tomorrow’s airport, you just want to snort Diet Coke up your nose and laugh you ass off.  Who knew
  Police
  Academy was so funny?

And that my fearless friends, is how you choose a hotel room.  Sure all those books and travel websites are helpful.  But when the soy sauce hits the fan, you just need to trust your instincts and the tips from a good friend who has been there, done that, and cleaned out the mini-bar.